KINDNESS -How to turn a mean girl Kind


How To Turn A Mean Girl KIND

To turn a mean girl kind we have scoured psychology & magic potions to banish someone of:  mastery of making frienemies, being fake, spreading toxic rumors & clique ring leading.
So what situation are you dealing with? Find the appropriate emotion potion below.
– Is the mean girl you know one of your friends? If so, scroll down to potion A.
– Or, is your least favorite (mean) girl a known bully on campus? If so, scroll down to potion B.
– Or, is your villain taking aim at you directly? Using manipulation, spreading rumors, humiliating you &/or leaving you out? First of all, big hug, please feel our luv and scroll down to potion C.

Having a ‘mean girl’ friend adds soooooo much drama. Everyday becomes difficult because the fun times can quickly turn painful & filled with hurt. Try out this formula:

1 cup of empathy
Have some empathy for the girl & realize she is going through something that is making her turn to evil methods. In reality, it’s not a happy place inside a mean girl’s body. And spread your empathy to her victims, being kind to them and making sure they are ok. 

2 cups of senior spice
Tell a trusted adult (parent, teacher, neighbor) what is going on and get their ideas. And keep them posted on updates. They can be a good ‘yoda’ to help you succeed. 

3 cups of confidence
Mean girls can thrive on making themselves feel ‘big time’ by making someone else feel small. Manage her ‘meanness’ by being confident. Making sure she knows that you are not a pushover and to deter her from trying her tricks on you. Plus you will be an example for your other friends so that they might also stand up against evil & hopefully together you can all help her change her evil ways

5 cups of apple with the rotten spots cut off
Consider spending extra time with the ‘mean girl’ one on one. Try to help her with her issues, try to be a trusted ‘good’ friend for her so she can manage the rotten parts inside of her. Maybe with your help she can cut out some of the rot. When you witness her being mean/manipulative you can gently but firmly say, ‘that could really hurt that person’s feelings,’ and quickly CHANGE the subject. Let her know in a safe space that she is being a bully & needs to stop. **Yet please beware:
**Option for some orders
If spending time with the girl seems to be making your life more difficult, then cut out the above step. In that case you may need to just spend as little time with this girl & hope she gets help. Find new friends & activities. Embrace new things to do & find fun away from her. 

Potion B
5 cups of super hero pow(d)er
First off, if you have spotted ‘mean girls’ on your campus, you have been accepted into super hero university because you have the amazing power to recognize someone hurting other people and that they need to be stopped. Time to turn your empathy toward saving your fellow classmates

4 cups of reaching out
Check in with the person being bullied to make sure they are ok, let them know that they don’t deserve to be bullied & that they are not alone. 

2 cups of senior spice
Tell a trusted adult (parent, teacher, neighbor) what is going on and get their ideas. And keep them posted on updates. They can be a good ‘yoda’ to help you succeed. 

2 cups of interference
If you think it is safe & could be effective (testing this with a yoda is a good idea), try either a) Speaking to the bully in private & suggesting they tone it down/stop bullying, and/or b) Interfere when you see them targeting a victim & speak up with something gentle but confident along the lines of ‘dude, it’s not cool to bully this person, then to the victim, go on, you should go somewhere else, you don’t need to put up with this’, and/or c) letting a teacher or adult know right away so they can intervene. 

1 cup of congratulations
Pat yourself on the back for being a leader who steps up and saves the day. Even if things don’t turn out perfectly, you will have made an impact and influenced others in a positive way. Consider stepping up to leadership in politics. The world needs more empathetic & strong leaders. 

Potion C
10 cups of hugs & support
U4U came to life to support you in tough moments like dealing with a mean person. So please know that we are here for you, you do not deserve anyone treating you poorly and the world needs you to get through this because there is so much you can do to make the world a better place. Bullying is a hurdle that can trip up many impressive young people. We do not want you to trip. 

5 cups of confidence
Mean girls often prey on people that they perceive to be weak/soft/easy targets. It’s time to build & display your confidence. You are special & you can achieve great things. You must stand up tall when you walk, speak clearly/strongly and look people in the eye. Spend a few days watching people around your school. Focus on people who you think are confident, notice the way they walk, talk & move. Mimic -positive- confident behaviors.

4 cups of reading
Read books & articles about why mean girls are the way they are (they all have big issues), and get additional tips/techniques to deal with them. 

4 cups of role playing
If you are not naturally assertive/confident/outspoken, it will most likely be hard (but not impossible) to develop these skills & it won’t happen overnight. Role playing is a super technique for learning to portray confidence. Use a trusted friend, adult or a drawing of the mean person’s face to stand in for the ‘mean girl.’ Act out how you will walk confidently every time you are within eye distance of this person, act out keeping your chin up and head held high with shoulders relaxed, practice staring the ‘mean girl’ in the eye, and practice speaking to them in short, clear, strong (not mean/not yelling) words “wow, you are so mean”… as well as ignoring them & walking away. 

3 cups of mantra
A mantra is a statement or phrase repeated over & over. Create your own mantra & say it all day long. You have to practice saying it in your head over and over. Whenever you think about, see or hear the mean girl, recite your mantra. [Mantra Ideas: I am a smart, capable and impressive young person. I will not let a mean girl make herself feel better by tearing me down. I will flick her mean words, rumors, etc out of my mind like a bugger off a finger.]

4 cups of senior spice
Tell a trusted adult (parent, teacher, neighbor) what is going on and get their ideas. Just remember, unless it’s a teacher, they might not understand how challenging it is for you because mean girls of today are super potent; it was different when they were your age. Yet they still may have some good tips & it can be really helpful to talk things out. Just keep updating them & sharing what’s happening.

1 cup of helping others
Reach out to us with your story so our community can give you direct support. And, if you want to share your story anonymously, you may get some good tips as well as help others who are facing the same painful drama. email us with ‘mean girls’ in the subject line

Best of Luck & remember, about 90% of your life happens outside of your teen years. You have a very full & robust life ahead of you. Getting over these hurdles will help you reach even higher places in your life. Focus on your goals always & gratitude for all of your gifts. 

Here is a support link just 4U:  Click here to view our Resource page!

Here is an article for more insight on mean girls.